Totowa MMA: A look inside NJ United Mixed Martial Arts Academy

How to Counter-Troll Internet MMA Trolls with Superior Trolljitsu

There’s no shortage of internet videos detailing the effectiveness of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. There’s also no shortage of internet trolls (i.e. pranksters and agitators) who make excuses for punks who get choked out and twisted into pretzel-shapes. Sometimes these trolls are simply in it for the lulz (for their own amusement), but many others actually believe their own excuses and claims to greatness. This shouldn’t be surprising, since most of them “watch UFC” but don’t actually train in anything. A recent popular youtube video entitled “Girl destroys boys with Jiu Jitsu in the park” has (aside from demonstrating exactly what its title states), drawn plenty of trolls and nay-sayers out of the e-woodwork. Their gripe against young, strong boys getting decimated by sixteen year-old Riley Breedlove is understandable, especially since most of them are probably young, strong boys who would get decimated by her.

The internet is a vast jungle of nerdcore stupidity. It speaks its own language, it has its own code of tropes and memes, and it will not tap out to common sense. If you frequently interact with martial arts culture on the internet, then you’ve probably seen people dismiss videos like Riley’s as BJJ-propaganda or worse. The following are some of the most common objections to BJJ-related videos of this nature, and I’ve followed them up with solid counterarguments. Feel free to use them, internet traveler, whenever appropriate. Arguing over the internet may be monotonous, but so are warm-up drills. Anyway, before you read any further, why not go ahead and watch Riley in action here? à

Troll: “This isn’t really impressive. She’s trained a lot, and she’s beating people who don’t train.”

Answer: “That itself sounds like perfect motivation for these young guys to train. In any case, it’s always impressive when someone can use skill to completely reverse the odds in terms of age, sex, or strength.”

Troll: “You haven’t seen me in beast-mode. I’d get out of those holds.”

Answer: “You’re confusing ‘beast-mode’ with Dragon Ball Z logic.”

Troll: “Why is her jiu-jitsu important anyway? What if one of these guys bit her or clawed her eyes?”

Answer: “Go ahead and count the number of dominant positions that Riley gets on these guys. You can’t, because there are too many of them. Anyway, take the mounted triangle at 2:53, for example. What would happen if Riley herself were to use bite-and-claw logic here?”

Troll: “Yeah, well go to 0:45. What if this guy fighting her rained down hammerfists or whatever?”

Answer: “Hammerfists from a side-control with no lockdown? Hammerfists with enough space between him and her to drive a truck through? Hammerfists against someone not dazed at all, and fully capable of shrimping and using Brazilian-legs almost anywhere? Do you even understand the terminology I’m using?”

Troll: “What does terminology matter when ur getting hammerfisted lol???”

Answer: “Why do brackets matter in basic HTML coding lol???”

Troll: “I see what you did there. U mad? I bet if those guys knew jiu-jitsu, they would have beaten her.”

Answer: “And I bet that if the situation was totally not what it actually was, then the result may have been different. -.- There’s a reason why martial artists are divided into male and female weight classes.”

Troll: “So then why isn’t she rolling with people on her level?”

Answer: “Of course she does this, and she does it with more frequency than her rolls in parks. Check it. à

Troll: “Woah, how did you manage to speak-out that web address perfectly in conversation?”

Answer: “Because like you, I have a black belt in Internet. But unlike you, I have a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as well, and although that doesn’t make me invincible, I kinda’ know what I’m talking about when it comes to vids like this. I’ve seen grown men with high BJJ rankings get decimated by teenage black-belt women on the mat, all due to raw skill and discipline evening the odds. If you plan on stepping up to skill like that, then you’d better be equally well-trained, and if you plan on eye-gouging or hammerfisting against skill like that, then you’d better be ready to die . . . or at least ready to stomach youtube videos of yourself getting rekt and pwn3d by a teenage girl.”



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